When God Doesn’t Give Me Strength
I was already fifteen minutes late to work, but I was stuck in my car, hyperventilating and crying harder than I ever have in my life. Having a panic attack is not unusual for me as someone who struggles with anxiety, but I had just prayed that morning for God to help me overcome my anxiety and make it to work. If God is my strength, why can’t I do this small thing? I berated myself.
“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
A small picture of anxiety
In 2 Corinthians 12:5-10, Paul pleads with God to remove “a thorn in [his] flesh.” Instead of removing this struggle, God affirms His grace for Paul to endure it because His power is made perfect in weakness. I have always applied this verse to my life as a promise of God’s strength to do what I could not do when I was weak. In the case of my anxiety, He would help me overcome panic to function normally in my daily life. However, God’s promise to Paul did not end with relief from pain, or deliverance from the situation, or even supernatural strength to overcome it. God gave Paul this thorn to teach him humility “so that [he] would not exalt [himself].” God wanted this thorn to limit Paul’s ability and to teach him to recognize God’s sufficient grace—how He had chosen him as His child and apostle. Being chosen by God was more than enough to cover any weakness Paul had because God’s power “finds its consummation” or “reaches perfection” in weakness. In God’s economy, our weaknesses complete His strength. Elsewhere, God promises to exalt those who humble themselves before Him because He values humility over great deeds (Luke 14:11; James 4:10). When the world sees that God has chosen someone, even though they have this great weakness, God shows the world His power.
The reality is that God’s power in my weakness doesn’t make me strong or capable. It looks like the exact opposite: I am still weak. But God’s purpose has not been thwarted. He loves me just as I am, even if I am never healed of this pain or overcome this obstacle—even if I never “get better.” It requires humility to admit that there are some things I cannot do, but it is no small thing to be loved for my presence rather than my productivity. I can confess my limitations, rather than pushing through them, and honor those limitations with the self-care that mirrors God’s love for me.
When I humbly accept God’s purpose for my weakness, somehow, I find that I am strong. I can survive this. I can thrive here. Because my weakness is not a hidden shame that disqualifies me from coming closer to God. My weakness is a mirror that has been broken into shards—creating even more surface area to reflect God’s love to the world.
My weakness is not what holds me back. It’s what keeps me in His arms. And that gives me something to boast about.
