Resurrection Life in Depression
I became a Christian when I was six years old, but I have struggled with depression for my entire adult life. Many times, those two truths feel like they conflict with one another; it seems like what my faith requires of me is something that is impossible when I am depressed. My depression feels like an oppressive cloud of sadness that never abates. But the Bible says, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (Phil 4:4)” How can I rejoice when I am numb? My depression says, “You have nothing to offer. You’d be better off dead.” But Jesus says, “I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance. (John 10:10b).” How can I have abundant life when I am barely surviving? This disparity between Scripture and my own experience has often led me to be ashamed of my depression. And that shame has led me to isolate from my church community and to avoid God for fear that He is disappointed in me. If I were truly a Christian, I should not be struggling so much.
Maybe you can relate to that feeling of shame. If I were truly a Christian, I wouldn’t struggle with this sin. Maybe you can relate to that pull away from the Church and Christian community. How can they really understand what I’m going through? Nobody else is hurting like this. I just can’t fake being “okay” anymore. Maybe you’re angry with God for not taking away your pain. If God were real, He would do something to stop this. Whatever your hurt or struggle, Jesus has something to say to you in the midst of it: “I am the resurrection and the life. Do you believe this?” Let’s dig into the context of Jesus’ words:
“As soon as Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Then Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died. Yet even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.’
’Your brother will rise again,’ Jesus told her.
Martha said to him, ‘I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.’
Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me, even if he dies, will live. Everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?’
’Yes, Lord,” she told him,’ I believe you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who comes into the world.”
Jesus has just made it to Bethany, four days after his friend, Lazarus, has been in the tomb. Lazarus’ sister, Martha, rushes out to meet Jesus. Here’s how the scene plays out:
Martha: Lord, if only you had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died. But, you know, I still believe that whatever you ask from God, He will give you. Martha’s reaction is both honest and yet hopeful. The reality is true that if Jesus had been there, Lazarus would not have died; He had plenty of time to get there. And Martha is maybe a little upset that the only reason her brother is dead is that Jesus chose not to come in time. How often do we feel the same way? A little mad at God because our situation could be different—our pain could be relieved—if only He had chosen to intervene. But despite her hurt, Martha still believes God answers Jesus’ prayers. She believes in the miracles she’s seen Him do thus far to heal the sick. She’s not completely confident that there is anything Jesus can do to change death, but she still believes God will work through Him.
Jesus: Your brother will rise again and live.Martha: Yes, yes, I know. He will rise again at the resurrection on the last day.Martha thinks Jesus is giving her a platitude like I’m sure all the other mourners hanging around have been repeating to try to “comfort” her. Lazarus isn’t really dead. He will rise again on the last day. Even today, Christians often have the tendency to truncate grief with the modern equivalent: “At least you’ll see them again in heaven one day.” But Jesus wasn’t cutting short her grief. Later in the story, when He makes it to Lazarus’ tomb, He weeps and grieves as well (John 11:35). Nor was Jesus giving her some kind of hollow comfort that would not change her current situation. He responds:
Jesus: No, you misunderstand. I am the resurrection. I am the life. If you believe in me, even if you die, you will live. If you believe in me while you live, you will never die. Do you really believe this, Martha?Jesus argues that He Himself is resurrection and life. That He can bring life even if someone dies. That He can even prevent death all together. Honestly, that is a lot to ask of her to believe at this point. She has no proof of His ability to do this since Jesus had obviously not been resurrected himself yet nor had he resurrected anyone else from the dead. She’s seen evidence of God answering Jesus’ prayers so she can confidently point out that truth. While Jesus has certainly done some amazing things so far, Martha has no reason to believe that He can do what He says except for His own word. But Martha still answers with faith:
Martha: Yes, I have believed, and I still believe you are the Messiah and the Son of God come to earth.I love Martha’s answer. The text uses the Greek perfect tense for her statement “I believe.” In Greek, this tense is used to express a completed action or state that has present, ongoing ramifications. Martha had at one time made the commitment to believe that Jesus was the Messiah. And that choice of belief still affects her life today. She has believed and is still believing. She is holding onto to the hope that Jesus is who He says He is, that He can do what He says He can do, and that He can do something to change the irrefutable fact that her brother is dead.
A lot of times we read the Bible as a hollow promise that might affect our life in reality…someday…in the distant future. Sure, I’ll have abundant life and be joyful when I get to heaven and I’m with Jesus all the time. But that is not the type of resurrection life Jesus promises. Martha’s statement of faith mirrors what we believe as Christians today. We have chosen to believe in Jesus as the Son of God. That moment of belief has consequences that change our present reality. Maybe what we feel—that little bit of resentment or grief or suffering—does not negate the truth of what God says about Himself. That He is our living hope (1 Peter 1:3). That He can set us free from any struggle or addiction (Galatians 5:1). That He promises a life that will turn us from being stuck in death to being alive…today (Ephesians 2:3-7). Sometimes our present struggles feel like an irrefutable fact, but as Jesus is about to show Martha, He can change irrefutable facts. {Spoiler Alert! Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead!}
As a Christian who struggles with depression, some days I do not feel like living, but I also believe that Jesus is the resurrection and the life. Sometimes I struggle with resentment about why God does not give me relief from my pain, but my hurt does not change who Jesus is. Depression may feel like death, but Jesus is good at raising people from the dead. Whatever your struggle or suffering, it is not irrefutable or immovable. I don’t know how God is going to bring life to your situation, but because of who God is, you have hope—you can live again.
Father, Thank you for being the Resurrection and the Life. I praise You for being in the business of raising people from the dead. Please forgive me for that part of me that is angry for still having to deal with this situation that feels like death. Please help me to draw near to You so that I might learn how to truly live again, whether or not my pain is relieved in the short-term. I know that You are my only hope for true life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
